To Be Determined :)

To Be Determined
by Angeline Pastrana
written for Michael Bruno, Alexander Noyes, Jason Rosen, and Andrew Lee
also known as Honor Society

Everything is going wrong
Millions of thoughts in my mind
Nothing's going right today
A peaceful moment so hard to find
Til I grab the MP3
Set my playlist to your songs
Turn it up loud
And listen all night long

Your music soothes my soul
Your lyrics work like magic
You gents are my secret cure
When things always seem so tragic

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

It may seem silly
That a band could mean so much
But your music is more than special
It's my soul you've touched
I will always be a fan
Of your music, and of you
Forever until eternity
I'll be here, loyal and true

Your music soothes my soul
Your lyrics work like magic
You gents are my secret cure
When things always seem so tragic

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

When dealing with hardships never faced
You, my loves, are my saving grace
I turn my heart and soul to you
Slightly pathetic, but totally true

Your music soothes my soul
Your lyrics work like magic
You gents are my secret cure
When things always seem so tragic

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

And you may never know me
But I write this song for you.


Alright, so that's the official poem. Thanks SO SO much to GRACE<3 for all her input! You rock, girlie! <333

Stef: Sorry I don't have time to send this to you personally and explain everything, but computer time is hard to come by on vacay haha So just text me with any questions or comments or stuff. Whici I'll probably tell you when I text you anyway, so yeah. Stef. You rock. Just sayin'. <3

Oh. And the title was totally from Grace as well. Here's her explanation:

I really like it! I thought the title was 'To be Determined'... Now that I know it's not, hah, I just have to say that I kind of like that as a title. Like... my life is to be determined, but you boys always pull through.

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

P.S. A blog about my full vacay here in Florida will come either Saturday, or after I finish all these summer assignments which have been building, which most likely won't be til school starst :(

Yet to Be Determined poem/song take 2.

[Yet to Be Determined Title]
by Angeline Pastrana
written for Michael Bruno, Alexander Noyes, Jason Rosen, and Andrew Lee
also known as Honor Society

Everything is going wrong
Millions of thoughts in my mind
Nothing's going right today
A peaceful moment so hard to find
Until I reach for my iPod
Set my playlist of your songs
Turn it up loud
And just listen all night long

Your music soothes my soul
Your lyrics work like magic
You gents are my secret cure
When things seem so tragic

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

It may seem silly
That a band could mean so much
But your music is more than special
It's my soul you've touched
I will always be a fan
Of your music, and of you
Forever until eternity
I'll be here, loyal and true

Your music soothes my soul
Your lyrics work like magic
You gents are my secret cure
When things seem so tragic

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

When dealing with hardships never faced
You, my loves, are my saving grace
I turn my heart and soul to you
Slightly pathetic, but totally true

Your music soothes my soul
Your lyrics work like magic
You gents are my secret cure
When things seem so tragic

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

And you may never know me
But I write this song for you.


So yeah, I kinda did some major editing on it. I don't know why. Oh, and Grace, I still can't believe it, but my friend may be able to actually hand this poem song to the gents!!! This is why I'm being so critical. So be honest. This needs to be perfect.

I am the QUEEN of procrastination

Case in point: School starts in less than three weeks. I'll be in Orlando all of next week. And out of all my summer assignments I have done: zero. On my to do list: an essay on the Grapes of Wrath, an essay on Frankenstein, a rough draft of a college application essay, three TPCASTTs, a reading journal for Kite Runner, 10 entries of current political events throughout the summer, a few more vocab words for government, and a study guide for psychology.

Yeah. Pray for me, guys.

And to make things worse, I've taken on ADDITIONAL projects in my attempt to not do summer homework, which I must still manage to continue doing. Those things include: running a state street team for White Rose (www.myspace.com/thewhiteroseband), running a fansite for Bulldozer (www.bulldozer-online.com), learning how to play guitar and piano, possibly starting a fansite for Chris Via (www.myspace.com/chrisviamusic), and having to plan my debut and cotillion practices.

My life is going to be hell for the next couple of weeks, let me tell you that.

And I'll take responsibility for it. It is all my fault. Part of me wishes that I had done things differently, managed my time better. But this summer has been pretty darn amazing, so you know, I'll live with it.

So expect either lots of stressed blogs in weeks to come, or absolutely nothing hahaha

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

Maybe my all just wasn't good enough

Aren't your parents supposed to be your biggest supporters?

Then why do mine feel like they're more my biggest critics a lot of the time.

Is it really any wonder why I want to get out of here for college? I love them, but I don't think I can take this for another four years.

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

[P.S. Title cred: "Was I the Only One?" by Jordin Sparks]

Don't Ask.

Deserts

We think of deserts as barren places, which are almost devoid of vegetation or wildlife. However, many plants grow in deserts, sending down deep roots to collect moisture from far beneath the surface and storing it in their leaves. The plants open out only in the early morning or early evening, when the worst of th heat is over. Certain animal species have also adapted to survival in this apparently hostile environment.

The sand in the desert seems to be endless, and this sense of infinity is associated with spiritual qualities because of the belief that the universe is infinite and we are part of that. Sometimes the sand is threatening, as it is in dreams in which the dreamer sinks down into it. This indicates a lack of solidity; if your world is shifting around you, you lose your bearings.

If you dream of being in a desert, this may reflect feelings of isolation or of being in a "cultural desert" - a place that holds no interest for you. If you find yourself on a desert island, does this concern a desire to get away and have some quiet time?

Connections:

To "desert" someone is to abandon them. Could your dream desert relate to a feeling that you have been left behind?
Is your life like a desert - poor on the surface, but rich beneath the ground?

Credit: "The Dream Bible: the Definitive Guide to Every Dream Symbol Under the Moon" by Brenda Mallon

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

Not quite sure how I feel about this, but this is what I wrote for Tatay Juan. It's called Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda:

Everyone saw it coming
But it doesn't dull the pain
All I remember is your smiling face
Lighting up your shrinking frame
And I smile a sad little smile
With tears in my eyes
Wishing I saw you one more time
Wishing I had said goodbye

If I could go back in time
I woulda tried to make you feel less blue
I coulda just stayed by your side
I shoulda told you I loved you
But woulda, coulda, shoulda
All add up to didn't
And now I've lost the chance
To show you how much you meant

We lost touch after so many years
But you're still a part of me
You practically raised me when I was little
You taught me how to be
The best I ever could
But I didn't always listen
I regret that choice
Now I'm just left wishin'

If I could go back in time
I woulda tried to make you feel less blue
I coulda just stayed by your side
I shoulda told you I loved you
But woulda, coulda, shoulda
All add up to didn't
And now I've lost the chance
To show you how much you meant

The world's still spinnin'
But I'll still be missin... you.

So what do you think? Be gentle as this is pretty close to my heart.

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

Poem/Song One

"It's one of those days
Where nothing goes right
Everything's wrong
But as day falls
And becomes night
As I listen to your songs
And I feel at peace

Your words are healing
When my heart is breaking
Your music soothing
When my eyes are burning
With tears

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

It may seem silly
That a band could mean so much
But your music is something special
It's my soul you've touched
I will always be a fan
Of your music, and of you
Forever and always
I'll be here, loyal and true

Your words are healing
When my heart is breaking
Your music soothing
When my eyes are burning
With tears

You get me through the hardest part
Your voice is like an angel's
Singing to my heart

When my world feels like crashing
I turn to you
You're my saving grace
Pathetic, but true

And you may never know me
But I sing [write?] this song for you."

Soooo. I wrote this song today. It could be about any band, but for me, as I wrote this, my mind was completely on the gentlemen of Honor Society. <33

But I need ideas for the title. And in the end if I should use sing or write. Sooo. Let me know. Kay?

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

It's just not hitting me yet...

Rest in Peace, Tatay Juan <33

It's been maybe two weeks since I last visited Tatay Juan. I wish I had visited him again more often. Woulda, coulda, shoulda :/

I'll be honest. I wasn't that close with Tatay Juan. But he used to watch me with Nanay Belen when I was just a little baby, and it's like he helped shape who I am, even if I don't remember any of it. He was still a huge part of my life.

And now my parents are really starting to piss me off. So we were supposed to take a road trip tomorrow to Dover to go shopping. Well, obviously, with the news, plans have been canceled. Now they're laughing that I don't get to go shopping anymore. Really? Are you that effin' insensitive? Maybe it's their way of coping, but really? Shut the eff up, I don't want to hear it.

I do feel really sad about this... but I still feel like I'm either a coldhearted bitch or I'm just in shock and numb or something, because no tears have come yet. I've never really lost anyone close to me, so I'm not sure how I'd react or cope. But being an emotional person, I would've thought I'd've broken down by now or something. Maybe that'll come later?

I'll probably cry in bed tonight. That's where I tend to do most of my crying usually.

Change of plans? Seems like if we can't cancel the hotel reservations, we're still going to Dover tomorrow. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. I mean, cool, I get to go shopping, have fun with my cousins and all... but I'd feel guilty. I mean, Tatay Juan JUST died. And we'd end up having to leave Matthew since it's through his daddy that we know Tatay Juan in the first place (Matthew's dad is Tatay Juan's blood nephew). If we still end up going tomorrow, everything will feel just off, I know it.

And I guess now I see how I'm coping. I'm very on edge and overall bitchy right now. I'm supposed to be helping my mommy do something for the credit card, but I'm just really on edge and snapping and starting to get pissed off for no real reason in general.

I think I'm all blogged out right now.

I was working on a song, earlier, so if I finish that up, I'll post that tonight. And I think tonight, I'd like to try and write Tatay Juan a song. Well, as much of a song I can write, which is just lyrics.

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

RIP TATAY JUAN <333

She's gotta be somebody's only light

[Title lyric cred: "Somebody's Baby" by Mark Mejia]

So. Hi. I'm bored. And I feel like writing. But, once again, I have no inspiration for any songs or poems or stories. So to the blog it is! :)

I tried out tumblr. Yeah, not really digging it much. And I only had like two friends :( Then again, I only have two friends here too, but whatevs :)

Me and my cousins have been TokBoxing (webcam thing) and taking screen cap pics which are now all over my Facebook and Myspace. Because yes, we have no lives. It's fun. We get to act like dorks and have photographic proof of it xD

Let's see, let's see. What's new in my life?

Not much. Still promoting WHITE ROSE (www.myspace.com/thewhiteroseband) like CRAZYYYY. I can't wait to see them make it to the top and be like BAM. Yeah, I saw their talent from the very beginning, what?! hahahah.

And now I keep getting distracted from other people's blogs, TokBoxing, tweeting, and other random things going on in my mind :)

Oh man, I'm kinda weak right now. Who knew you could have such hilarious moments on TokBox when there's no sound? xD Little teapot is now an inside joke :) And the itsy bitsy spider xD

Okay, sorry. Back to blogging.

Honor Society also definitely has a HUGE part of my heart right now. I listen to their music NONSTOP. I am counting down the days until their album arrives in the mail. Their album cover is the wall paper on my cell phone, iPod, AND computer. I'll admit, I'm getting reallyyyy fangirly over them. I'm a bit embarrassed, but I can't help it! Can you blame me? I really, really wanna meet them and get to know them. And as of right now, Andy's got most control of my heart cause that boy is looking FINE on that album cover ;) I kinda think that the album cover is too Jonasish... I think they should've spiced it up Honor Society style, but I love it nonetheless.

Back to the White Rose thing... Yeah, I'm a bit sporadic in my thought process. And very random. These words are straight from brain to computer, no filtering or editing (except for spelling and grammar. sorry, I'm a writer, what do you expect?) But yes. I really want to meet those amazing guys as well! Facebook wall posts are not enough! I really hope they can save up enough money to come see us in VA. I need to rally up more fans though. I'm wondering if I'm winning for that contest? I had a mini surge in the beginning, but now nobody else is doing it anymore :(

Oh lord, I'm having too much fun on TokBox with one of my best friends / cousin, Meg. DANCE PARTY :D with no sound. But still fun!

This blog has taken me entirely too long to type xD Maybe an hour. I get distracted easily. Sorry.

Til next time, friends!

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

When will you figure out...

... that calling me fat every chance you get, even with other people around, is NOT going to help me AT ALL. In fact, it just makes me want to pig out on chocolate anymore.

Kay, thanks.

Ange♥

Guess what today is....

it's AUGUST 5th!!

and you know what that means?!....

You get to start helping me win a little contest!! Haha. But I'm not joking. Please?

Okay, so if you're still reading, that means you're gonna do it, right? Yay you! :)

So here's what you should do:

♥ Check out and listen to WHITE ROSE (www.myspace.com/thewhiteroseband). Then add them as a friend on MySpace, and in the little box where you can add a message, tell them ANGELINE from the VA STREET TEAM sent you :)

♥ Friend request them on FACEBOOK! And message them that I sent you!
Start off with Will, cause he's the coolest (hahahaha): http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/Wtenney10?ref=ts&__a=1
Then the rest of the band:
Ben (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/benstein69?ref=ts&__a=1)
Brandyn (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=679336356&ref=ts) AND it's his birthday today, so you should totally tell him a happy birthday!
and Matt (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=1373790059&ref=ts)

♥ Follow them on twitter!!! And @reply them that I (@angelinexo) sent you!!
www.twitter.com/wtisfridayshero

OH! And this doesn't get me any points, but you should totally become a fan of White Rose. I don't have the link on hand, but find it on my page. I'm pretty sure I suggested it to every single friend I have here on Facebook anyway haha

Yup, that's all! If you want to be a SUPERSTAR in my book, then also tell your friends to add them with a referral from me! Hahahha

And WHITE ROSE is already freakin' awesome, so it's not like you'd lose anything. You'd win the knowledge of an epic band. So why not do it?

But yeah, if you do this, then you're awesome. You're sick nasty. You're rad. You're phat. You're epic.

Loveyou.

Kaythanksbye.

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

I want you to rescue me.

[Title cred goes to Honor Society; "This Bed is an Ocean"]

I am in the mood to write. And as I have absolutely NO inspiration for any poetry/songs or fanfics, my blog will get the love and attention instead :)

I really really really want to write right now. Like a song or something. But I have NO inspiration. It sucks so bad. I need something exciting in my life to happen so I can write about it!

I love summer, I really do. Except for the stupid summer assignments (curse AP over-achievement). And the fact that I hardly get to see my friends from school.

But besides that, it's great!

This summer especially has been pretty busy. With mentorship at a doctor's office from 8-12 (or usually earlier, but shh). Then I usually come home and bum on the computer instead of work on summer assignments (which should really change... soon). Fridays I have library volunteering 2-4, but this week will be the last (yay!). And at least once a week, Erika comes over and we hang out :)

Oh! And today, at the library, I participated in this Murder Mystery game thing. It sounds dorky, but it was pretty fun :) I was the heartbroken, still bitter ex-girlfriend :D I'm just mad that I didn't really warm up to the other people until near the end. I for sure am gonna do it again next year :)

I've been meaning to volunteer at my old daycare too. I went once last week, but I've been busy ever since. I've been meaning to go back. I should, tomorrow, since it's my only free day this week, but a part of me wants to come home and sleep and bum out. That's bad. :/ We'll see how I feel tomorrow haha

Ugh. And I've been meaning to work out more, but that's been an epic fail as well. I've stopped my nightly crunches due to late night internet surfing. And the treadmill is such a foreign object to me now haha. I should really fix that too.

I feel like skipping mentorship tomorrow. Maybe I will. I'll still wake up earlyish... Like 10. Then run or do Wii fit. And do daycare in the afternoon. I just don't have the energy in me (yet) to do it all at once, cause technically I could still do all of that without skipping mentorship (except the sleeping in part).

But anyways...

I've still been totally immersed in trying to spread the word about this EPICALLY AMAZING band called WHITE ROSE (who you should totally check out if you haven't already). Honestly, I'm not usually into their kind of music (punk/pop/rock) but I'm really liking their sound. Legit, legit. And they're all really sweet and grateful for ALL their fans, even if they are a bit odd sometimes (they ARE teenage boys after all). I'm still trying to figure out how to buy their EPs on iTunes without alerting my parents that I'm using my debit card for even MORE music (I just ordered All Time Low's "Nothing Personal" and bought Demi Lovato's "Here We Go Again"). If I had known about White Rose before buying Demi's CD, I would've gotten theirs instead :(

I also still need to get "Magic" by Honor Society (the owners of the OTHER half of my heart). I've been soooo into listening and promoting music lately. I almost feel like a Mandy wannabe haha I wish I could travel to their shows and meet them and stuff. That is one of my dreams now <33

And I keep getting sidetracked from finishing this blog, so I'll just end it here for the night.

Lovelovelove,
Ange♥

Friday Night Heroes

I run a street team now! Yep, this is my newest endeavor, and I plan to follow through with these guys all the way! They're gonna be famous one day, I just know it!

Oh, right. I should let you know who I'm talking about in the first place.

There are these four guys, Will, Ben, Matt, and Brandyn, in this band called White Rose (www.myspace.com/thewhiteroseband). They're what some would call punk/pop? I'm not sure, I just know that they're AMAZING. Musically and personally. These are some really great guys. Sweet and absolutely hysterical. You should definitely check out their music and their YouTube. I swear, you won't regret it!

And if you're feeling their music, then you should definitely add the Official Virginia White Rose Street Team myspace run by the amazingly epic... ME! :D Really though, add them and the street team! They hopefully might come to VA for a show, and we want to show them an EPIC time, so the more the merrier! Please spread the word and love!!

It would really mean a lot to me AND the guys.

Lovelovelove,
Angeline♥

P.S. The street team can be found here: www.myspace.com/whiterosevateam. It's on my Top Friends, along with White Rose themselves :)

P.P.S. Each member also has individual Facebooks, so if you have one, find them there and get to know them! They love all their fans so much! ♥