Identity crisis

I believe I may be going through one :/

I don't know, I just feel so... lost? I'm not sure if that would be the right adjective.

I feel disconnected from my three cousins who are honestly like the brothers and sisters I never had. I just feel left out a lot. They have a lot of inside jokes I'm not in on, they do things without me. Being a part of that my whole life and suddenly feeling like I don't belong is just throwing me out of whack.

And when I think about my future, I get scared. I get worried about college. Because really? I don't have much that makes me stand out. I have no talents. I don't play any instruments. I don't play any sports. I'm not involved in the community.

I don't even know what my personality is.

I used to say that I was a caring person. Always there for people. Yet when my close friends break down, I have no clue what to do. I'm an awkward moose.

And my parents. God, I love my parents, and I know they love me, but sometimes I just don't feel... I don't know? Appreciated? All I ever hear from their mouths is criticism. I don't clean around the house, I'm lazy, I need to work out more and eat less.

I fell asleep on the car ride home, and tears started rolling down my face. When I got home, I looked in a mirror and realized that my mascara was running. My parents hadn't even noticed anything. Now I could be overreacting, maybe they didn't get a good look at my face.

I just feel so alone sometimes.

I don't know who I am.

And now I'm crying, typing on the computer.

Who am I?